Monday, February 05, 2007

freeze dried eggs

if you've ever looked at the dehydrated camping food at places like rei or gi joes you may notice that they have some interesting selections such as turkey tettrazini or blueberry cheesecake. some of these are better than others and have a varying amount of resemblance to what they claim to be. some of them are pretty god damn tasty although that may have to do with hiking for 15 miles with a 40lb pack on. one of the most interesting ones is made by a company called mountain house, and it is called "scrambled eggs made with real bacon". the way it is prepared, like many of the other mountain house selections, is to open the outer spage-age-material container and remove the clear plastic bag from within. it has a piece of cardboard attached to the bottom and inside is contained a powdery assortment of creme colored chunks. you add a cup and half of boiling water and then cinch the plastic bag shut by threading the top of it through a donut-shaped piece of cardboard that you punch out of a perforated corner of the cardboard base on the plastic bag. then you put the plastic bag full of weird shit into the outer space-age-material container and wait about 5 minutes.

now what you have is a plastic bag full of weird yellow mush and little red chunks, presumably the real bacon. you discard the donut and fold the edges down so that it stands up on its own like a little bowl and then you administer the contents to your mouth using a spoon. this substance is absolutely nothing like eggs or bacon in the slightest way. a boca burger with kim-chee and teriyaki sauce on it is about as similar to eggs and bacon as this substance. not only is it completely unlike eggs or bacon, but it is also unlike any other substance on the planet. the texture is weird, the taste completely foreign, and the appearance is like a tofu stew in light sauce. and it is fucking DELICIOUS. there is nothing like it in the world and there never will be. there are several other egg options in the freeze-dried camping food world but only "scrambled eggs made with real bacon" will take you to another world. another fucking WORLD is where it will take you.


At Tuesday, February 06, 2007 9:04:00 AM, Blogger Pete said...

Pete: I want to try that real bacon stuff but doesn't it cost like ten bucks?
Carls: no its one of the cheaper ones, probably like 4.50
Pete: whoa nice
Pete: btw I wonder if kim chee on a boca burger with teriyaki sauce would be any good
Carls: i bet it would
Carls: i mean, ive had it with a regular burger. its called the Shoyu Burger at ACME
Pete: oic
Carls: wow i totally nailed it
Carls: $4.49
Pete: nice work bob barker

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I leave to you Americans to produce the brown material. You now have good gun laws however and I congratulate approval of your second amendment. Brown material is not for me because I bring real eggs to the camp. - E.Remy Martin III Cognac, France

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