pete's online journal of how to eat food

kegday

we shook the keg up while bringing it home



i am drunk off of foam!

posted by Unknown @ 9:10 PM 0 comments

27 past nine

Raw Horseflesh Ice Cream (Basashi Aisu):We're not horsing around with this one. There mere thought of putting raw horseflesh into ice cream may be enough to produce plenty of neigh ... er, naysayers. And, rightfully so. You can get it straight from the horse's mouth, this would have to vie for the vilest ice cream ever created. The chunks of meat inside it offer ample proof of why horseflesh is usually used in dog food. Not wanting to be a nag, this flavor needs a definite gee-up. The only saving grace is perhaps that tonight's dessert could well have been last week's odds-on favorite.

posted by Unknown @ 9:26 AM 0 comments

how to eat at hot pot city

1. order broth.



there are a bunch of kinds of broths, i had meat because im a killahh. if you want one of the ones with "preserved egg" in it you have to order ahead or something, i dont really get that part.


2. get ingredients



put the meat and veggies on the big plate they give you unless you want to get juice on your shirt. the crabs are complicated to cook but everyone there had one so i did too. i didn't clean it right or something and it kinda messed up the rest of my soup so dont get one unless you know stuff about crabs


3. put a little bit of ingredients in your broth



start with the crabs, they take longer than anything according to the guy, and then the meat and then last add the veggies. the meat is all thinsliced so it takes like a minute to cook


4. take the ingredients out and put them in the little bowl with a little broth



THIS TAKES STRENGTH SO MAKE SURE YOU WORK OUT! if you want to let the meat cool or some shit, put it on that little plate (that's what it's for!) you can also put some sauce (not pictured) in the bowl because that broth is kinda bland right?


5. eat it



if you need this explained you are stupid so shut up ok?


6. add another SMALL batch of stuff



your little bowl is tiny and you don't want stuff to get cold while you're eating it so don't just dump it all in at once, you stupid slob! have a little class! if youre good you can offset this just right so you are still eating the last batch when you put in the next batch and when you're ready for it it's all good to go. its okay if you don't get this down your first time going, nobody's going to laugh at you or punch you in the mouth or anything.

7. repeat until dead



this is an all you can eat deal, and its not like soda costs extra or anything.

don't be a pussy.

posted by Unknown @ 1:16 PM 2 comments

my BK did the imposible

I gotit at the mall so we can't get refills they do it there, stupid people who bring cups from other places and do it at there will.



Anyways I got a Double Stacker and Fries before the drink and the machie is right next to them!

posted by Guy Fauntleroy @ 7:18 PM 0 comments

a joke about black people

When I start eating Oreos I just can't stop until I run out of them. They're sooooo sweat. *drools*

I put 10 of them into a big cup and fill the rest of it with milk. Then I let it sit for a while and spoon all the creme discs out. Then I drink the slushy cookie-milk mix. But once I go through a package in this manner, I don't want anymore for a month or two.

posted by Guy Fauntleroy @ 9:45 PM 0 comments

freeze dried eggs

if you've ever looked at the dehydrated camping food at places like rei or gi joes you may notice that they have some interesting selections such as turkey tettrazini or blueberry cheesecake. some of these are better than others and have a varying amount of resemblance to what they claim to be. some of them are pretty god damn tasty although that may have to do with hiking for 15 miles with a 40lb pack on. one of the most interesting ones is made by a company called mountain house, and it is called "scrambled eggs made with real bacon". the way it is prepared, like many of the other mountain house selections, is to open the outer spage-age-material container and remove the clear plastic bag from within. it has a piece of cardboard attached to the bottom and inside is contained a powdery assortment of creme colored chunks. you add a cup and half of boiling water and then cinch the plastic bag shut by threading the top of it through a donut-shaped piece of cardboard that you punch out of a perforated corner of the cardboard base on the plastic bag. then you put the plastic bag full of weird shit into the outer space-age-material container and wait about 5 minutes.

now what you have is a plastic bag full of weird yellow mush and little red chunks, presumably the real bacon. you discard the donut and fold the edges down so that it stands up on its own like a little bowl and then you administer the contents to your mouth using a spoon. this substance is absolutely nothing like eggs or bacon in the slightest way. a boca burger with kim-chee and teriyaki sauce on it is about as similar to eggs and bacon as this substance. not only is it completely unlike eggs or bacon, but it is also unlike any other substance on the planet. the texture is weird, the taste completely foreign, and the appearance is like a tofu stew in light sauce. and it is fucking DELICIOUS. there is nothing like it in the world and there never will be. there are several other egg options in the freeze-dried camping food world but only "scrambled eggs made with real bacon" will take you to another world. another fucking WORLD is where it will take you.

posted by carls @ 2:37 PM 44 comments

Things not to make in an apartment kitchen: pickled onions

boil three cups of vinegar, a cup and a half of sugar, a couple bay leaves, cinnamon sticks, cloves, peppercorns, allspice, chile, ya know, shit like that. turn the heat down, and let that eye burning mixture simmer for a few minutes, try not to breathe. remove from the heat and cover while you cut up an onion into 3/8 inch rings. seperate the rings. bring the vinegar up to a boil again, and add one third of the onions for about 20 seconds, remove them, and put them onto a baking sheet, do the next third, remove, baking sheet, and then the last third liek you did the other thirds. put them into the fridge to cool, repeat this process two more times. cool the brine, and then put it all into jars making sure that the onions are covered in the brine.

let it all meld for 24 hours before eating it with delightful things like liver pate, but if you think that things like liver pate are fucking sick you could eat them with a hamburger, or all by their pretty pink selves.

The most important thing to remember when making these is to not breathe in, or else you'll feel like you swallowed a cup of vinegar.

posted by Unknown @ 5:45 PM 1 comments

Just let me make it past the front doorway

There's an awesome little Mexican restaurant just down the street from my house. Wonderful food, but they are stupid and keep their dumpster right next to the front door.

In the summer, the stench is enough that you have to make a conscious effort to walk through the door. You get inside and suddenly the smells are great. Still, that restaurant is permanently etched into my brain as "the place that smells like a corpse."

posted by Brandon @ 3:14 PM 3 comments

SPEED DATING < SPEED COOKING

THE ONLY TIME TWO MINUTES IS FULLY SATISFYING:

posted by Frankie Cocktails @ 12:15 PM 1 comments

i can make a fart noise with my mouth too

posted by Unknown @ 6:47 AM 1 comments